“Please, come in! Come in! Take a seat if you like. You prefer to stand? Very well.

“My name is Joan Derwood, and I’m the CEO of this company. You’ve come to apply for the recently opened personal assistant job, yes? I’ll let you know right now, you’re already at the forefront for it; everyone else has turned and run the moment they looked through that door. So the fact that you’re even still here is promising.

“What happened to my last assistance? Well, Julie took a more…permanent position, which keeps her close but hinders some of her previous responsibilities.

“No, my dear, I don’t mind your staring at all. You don’t think I don’t expect that, if I’m sitting here naked with four legs, I may get some stares? I’m quite flattered, honestly. I mean, I’m still waiting on some custom skirts from my tailor, but clearly I could be sitting here with a shirt on if I wanted. But if you had just gained back twenty years of youth, and tripled the size of your breasts, you’d want to show it all off, right?

“My lipstick? Thank you, yes, I never thought I’d be interested in wearing green, but then Julie made her…life altering decision and suddenly I’m mad about the color. And, to be perfectly honest, I was never before attracted to women. I used to lust after some of the men down in legal and shipping, but now Julie’s influence gets me all hot and bothered for most of the exec board’s secretaries.

“No, my dear, this is a straight up personal assistant position. Nine-to-five, you’d get your own desk in the room you came in through. All very normal.

“Unpaid overtime? Why yes, you could certainly put some in if you like…and based on a certain warm tingle I’m getting from Julie, I think I know where she and I may want you to put it in…”