The cover to my copy of Secret Seven #2

Yep. Unless Issue 3 does something amazing this is the issue that will forever confirm for me my dislike of Flashpoint.

But I’ll try and stay neutral.

Things open up with a woman named Amy Winston teaching refugee children English. Outside two other women watch, jealous of Miss Winston’s natural affinity towards children and her impressive figure (which in comics means they all have the same hourglass figure but one’s shirt is slightly baggier).

During her class two government agents show up, asking Amy about her powered status. Everyone is confused at first, except of course Amy, who tries to downplay it. Of course, at that moment Shade’s summoning magic starts to take hold of her, and the lovely blond is dragged out of the building and taken up into the sky – shouting and revealing that she is the 12-year old Princess Amethyst inhabiting an adult form.

Shade and June Moone, meanwhile, are enjoying a pleasant walk through a field, getting to know one another. They discover Amy amidst the brush, who complains that Shade’s power to summon the Secret Seven to him is out of control. The Changing Man denies this possibility, but the reader sees that the attempt to summon Abra Kadabra has gone horribly wrong.

That night multiple things happen; we meet new a character in the thieving Mindwarp, we see that Shade and June have decided to sleep together, and an angry (but alive) Kadabra publicly releases the names of the Secret Seven out of fear that Shade has gone insane.

That’s when the comic lost me.

One random page is inserted amidst Kadabra’s listing of names. First we see a very demonic-looking Raven running down an alley trying to escape some little flying creatures. They disappear when Raven notices Zatanna in the alley with her.

Dressed like a punk, with a Z tattooed around her eye and seated upon a motorcycle, we see the Flashpoint version of our favorite daughter of John Zatara. To keep things focused I’ll say my piece on her later, but speaking of ol’ John we learn that Zatanna has encountered her own freaky shit this day when her bike turned into her father while she driving.

Yeah…

Anyway, back wherever the hell Shade, June, and Amy are staying Ms. Moone has woken up in bed alone. While looking for her absent lover she discovers Shade holding the bloody and limp body of Amy. His voiced concern that he’s killed her leads us into the TO BE CONCLUDED.

MY THOUGHTS THUS FAR: Well, shit.

I have nothing against biker chicks, or punk characters. They’re all fine and whatnot. But that is not what Zatanna is, nor is it who she needed to be. Since I fear she may retain this form post-Flashpoint from now on I will be resurrecting an old meme and referring to this character as ZINO – Zatanna In Name Only.

Zatanna Zatara was a fairly unique character, in my opinion. Yes, magic users are a dime a dozen in comics, but few of them are actual stage entertainers who don’t use their magic to perform. This aspect of Zatanna’s history, and her light and chipper “show must go on” attitude, was a breath of fresh air in a world of dark, brooding, edgy characters (most of whom are magic wielders). This has taken a character who stood out from the crowd and added her the already packed and trite crowd.

And I’m just going to predict that her bike is not actually John Zatara, but simply another method through which Shade’s summoning magic has gone wonky. The idea of ZINO literally riding her father as a motorcycle is twisted but far too absurd/disturbing to work as some sort of strange character quirk.

So, unless a lot of damage to my favorite DC character is undone really quick I’m not sure if I can read Justice League Dark. It’s one thing for a character you love to die; in comics you know they can come back. But changing a character so beloved into something so different is just too gut-wrenching to continue reading.

And yes, I’ve read my website. I’m aware of the my hypocrisy by complaining about the irrevocable transformation of a character…